How does a surviving parent decide how to split up the estate to two very different grown children. It isn't always right to split it down the middle.

A little background. Surviving mother whose husband owned a commercial building and a jewelry business. The couple also owned two houses, one being a vacation home in the Hamptons. Not a wealthy family, but well to do.

One son helped the mom through a terrible ordeal for two years after the husband passed. A nervous breakdown, a difficult person, and complicated finances needed someone to step up and help out.

The other son stated that his work demanded 10 hour days and his social life demanded whatever time was left. It was of no use to point out that he did not need to accept every social invitation that came along. Or to point out that this was the type of job that he chose. Several other opportunities had arisen but he decided against them, being happy where he was.

Back to the other son. He turned down offers of full time employment with benefits to permit him to have time to take care of his mom and the finances of the family. He works in his home town with no commute, just in case he is needed. He works as a contract employee, paid well, but no benefits and no security. He also earns between 25K and 50K less than the other jobs he was offered.

This son spends at least one day a week dealing with the realty firm that operates the commercial building and also works at liquidating the jewelry from te business his dad had. All proceeds go to subsidize the mom's income.

Now, back to the point. How does the mother divide the estate in a fair and equal way? Does she make up the difference in income lost for the past three years to one son? Does she take the attitude that it was his choice, and divide things down the middle?

In addition, there are emotional issues at play (aren't there always?). The vacation house has been in the family for three generations and is a true retreat. The parents always loved that place. To give it up would be an additional loss to grieve. The other son wants to sell it and take his 50% of the cash. The first son wants to try to hold on to it and keep it in the family. There are also repairs needed. The first son doesn't mind spending money to keep the house up and increase the pleasure gained from staying there. The second son doesn't want to spend a dime. In fact he complains about the waste on grocery money. An extra $50 a weekend to get name brands or what you are in the mood for. the other family will only buy something when it is on sale. This is a vacation house, lighten up.

There is no way they can own it together. They will kill each other. Now, there is another house that was sold for a coop where the mom lives now. Worth about the same, maybe a bit less.

I believe all families have similar issues. Who do you identify with? Which son are you? or, are you the Mom facing a similar situation?

Another one of my rambling sessions. Sorry if it is long winded.