January 11, 1986 seems so long ago in some ways, my life was so different. My Mom dropped me off in front of Smithers Rehab in Manhattan about 11:00 AM on January 10, 1986. I left the car with a small suitcase and lots of fear about walking into what I thought would be much like an insane asylum from the movies.

I was expected, and before I was shown where to go, my suitcase was emptied and searched for drugs and booze. They didn't find my stash (my being so clever and all). A short while later, I heard my name over the paging system. The loudest speaker in the building was in the men's room, right above where I was standing, snorting a bit of coke that I had hid in the lining of my suitcase.

I jumped, looking for the camera, and quickly flushed all evidence down the toilet. I was being called for a medical exam but I didn't know that at the time. And they didn't have cameras either. But they did succeed in scaring me enough to get rid of all the contraband I brought in. And so, the next day was my first clean and sober day. January 11th, 1986.

Lots of stuff happened to me since then, and I did lots of things since then. I haven't had a drink. I haven't had any cocaine, pot, or hallucinogens. But, seven or eight years ago I relapsed on heroin.

It took a couple of years to fight back the demons and get clean again. I stayed sober I guess. I am told that sober is a state of mind not a state of drunk. If that is true, every dry drunk and every AA who has a shitty day is not sober either. I wish I could somehow hold onto the twenty years of sobriety I would have had.

I am clean and sober now for about five and a half years again. Some would say we all only have today. Others would say (and have said) that I must have "problems other than alcoholism" to pick up after 13 years. Marty from Forest Hills told me that. A guy who likes to talk about how sober he is while he steals record albums from friends and can't earn a decent living (after 21 years "sober"). Unfortunately, I actually listen to assholes like this, and beat myself up just a bit more.

Well, I am lucky to have the time I do. I am even luckier to have a family with two great daughters who love me to death. My wife loves me in her own way too, along with my Mom, (my Dad died two years ago). My dad died seeing me sober. That in itself is a gift. And a really love my work. I have a house, four cars, a summer house, boat and a normal amount of debt.

If I close my eyes and try really hard, I can almost imagine myself as a normal average family man. Not bad, huh? After 20 years, I guess I have accomplished a thing or two, clean or sober.

Crooks also need extra money to spend on gifts and parties.

It isn't just the family group that needs cash this holiday season. Burglars and Bunko artists thrive during this time of year, if only to get gifts for their own families.

I recently went to a party at a friend's house. On the way, I noticed several houses completely dark inside at 8:00 Pm. It's like a welcome doormat for a burglar. Stay vigilant about your personal security.

Nothing can ruin a holiday more than returning home to find you have been burglarized with all of the gifts gone and most of your prized possessions taken. Fear replaces the peaceful feeling we like to have at this time of year.

The simple things involve good lighting, good locks and common sense. Use the locks on your doors and windows. Use your alarm system if you have one. Even while home. Few things are worse than a home invasion. Keep your lights on timers. Inside lights too. Vary the time schedules to make the lighting appear random so the house appears lived in.

Stop the paper if you will be away for a few days. Have a neighbor take your mail on a daily basis. As always, make sure the hedges and bushes near the windows are trimmed properly. If you have a front porch or attached garage, secure it. Burglars love nothing better than a hiding place to do their work.

Lock up your important papers, insurance certificates and banking information. Also lock up your extra keys you like to keep hanging in the kitchen. Any hiding space you can think of has been already thought of and will be searched by most burglars.

Your neighbors are an excellent ally. Don't give out personal information to a stranger on the phone. Don't tell your paperboy to stop delivering and don't tell too many people about your plans. Instead, trust a neighbor or two to retrieve your mail and papers on a daily basis.

Leave with a clear head and you will worry a lot less on vacation. There's more you can do. Some of the best deterrents are inexpensive. Feel free to contact me if you want some specialized advice on any specific situation or if you have a difficult area to protect.

I will be posting about various security items and methods. Many if not most involve very little cost. For example, this post deals partly with securing the doors and windows of your home. For those of you with old wooden double hung windows, your sash locks probably don't work well if at all. Here's a tip on how to secure those old windows.

Close the top and bottom of the window. Drill a 3/16" hole horizontally through the lower sash and 1/2 way into the top sash both sides. The holes should be near the top of the lower sash where the top and bottom window parts overlap. Now insert a heavy nail into each hole so that it is snug in the end of the hole through both sashes. Any attempt to pry a window open will jam the nail into place and prevent the window from opening. Nails are chosen due to their higher shear strength than screws.

This is really my first post on the subject I will be most often posting about. Sorry for the long length.

Events and places usually remind me of a particular song. Many songs also remind me of a place or person also. Music is as strong a memory prod as a scent is to many people.

I love music. I love to listen and to sing. I often daydream about my life as a rocker in a band many years ago. It really is still a big part of who I am. Those that know me well also see that.

This time of year is all about gifts and shopping and sending or getting cards from people you swore last year to stay in touch with.

I think there is altogether much too much pressure this time of year for most people to really be happy, content, or at peace. I stopped trying to have a good time this season many years ago. I do, however, take some time to decompress by listening to a variety of music and singing along. The holiday songs serve only to get me in the mood to listen to music I really enjoy.

Being a bit cynical about the holiday season has done wonders for me. It took all the pressure off. I was free to be sad about people I lost and promises I broke. New Years has, for a long time, been a family night at home with a huge meal of everyone's favorite foods. I get to cook and give my wife a break from ordering in. The side benefit is that I get to stay off the road that night when every amateur is trying their hardest to get drunk in order to have a good time.

In all fairness, my wife works a full time job just like me. Plus an hour and a half commute each way. So, I don't mind the once a year meal preparation on me.

Too many people haven't learned that it's the way you act throughout the year that counts. Not what you do for this one holiday.

Be yourself and reach out a little is the best advice I have heard. It is the selfish things that make you feel better. Doing things that on the surface seem magnanimous, but really serve to better yourself. For instance. If you call a few people you haven't spoken to in a long time (like last holiday season) you may think that you are doing something nice for the other person. What you really are doing is helping to rid yourself of the guilt you feel and maybe score a point in case you are lonely and want to call someone. At least you have touched base now, and if you need to speak with that person in the near future, they may actually listen to you.

You give gifts either because you want to continue business relations with someone, or you want a gift in return. Then there are those gifts you give because you have to. Like your spouse. Imagine the hell on earth if you didn't give your wife a gift on Christmas. It's about what that gift can buy you and how it can keep the peace and even sometimes to puff yourself up and say " Gee, what a nice person I am."

I don't kid myself anymore, and the pressure has gone away. I enjoy giving because I don't deny what I get in return, Even if it is the smile on my daughter's face. I don't give because I am good. I give because I am greedy. I want all the smiles and love from my family that I can get. That is what I live for. The season is a life stage. The time is now, the "Christmas" season. It's the time of the season for living.

This is my second time posting a blog, and I am still winging it. I find it amazing the amount of "stuff" I can cram into any given day. I hope it isn't too boring, but I wanted to type out a day's activities. Almost to get it out of the way and so anyone reading this will have a bit more insight to my philosophies.

Today being a typical day, more or less, I was awakened by a call from my wife Nancy. She calls every workday from her car on her way to work solely to wake me up. Sometimes I get up and sometimes fall back asleep. Today I woke up. I got up and ten minutes later the morning babysitter came. Every weekday she comes, gets the kids up, and takes them to school. Now, before you pass judgment and think of how spoiled I am to not get the kids to school myself, consider that I don't get to sleep until 3:00 AM most nights and I start my work day around 8:30 AM. However...The kids are definitely spoiled. School is about 200 yards away. The elder daughter likes breakfast in bed and gets it most mornings (not by me). By 8:00 they are all gone and I get started.

Today I had a meeting at 8:00 with my architect and contractor. Putting an addition on the house is fun to plan and just heart-wrenching to go through the work. I have been told I am a perfectionist. I guess I don't understand why people can't do what they say they will. Or, why a contractor can't build a room the way the plans are drawn. Maybe I ask too much, I don't think so.

After the meeting I went to work. I work in town as an electrical engineer. I am an independent contractor so I am free to come and go as I need to. I work as much as I can - given the other responsibilities I have. Aside from my real job, I had a meeting this afternoon with one of the people working for the same firm that I work for. Four of them got together and decided to spin off their own firm doing a very similar thing... Including the President and both sales managers. They want me to be a partner and fill the gap on the technical end. This meeting took about 3 hours. During which my kids came home from school (the meeting was in my house), the cleaning girl / 2nd babysitter came in and did her thing, and another of the kid's friends came by. It became a very busy place.

Then, as the meeting was winding down, my wife walked in. She arrived from work and then we started the evening routine, with the meeting ending just in time to transport one of the kids to another friend, pick up a few things from the store and get some more money from the cash machine.

Homework help and a little AutoCAD work, and a quick bite to eat, and here I am relaxing while typing one long run on sentence.

During the day, I received a call from the West coast. The tenant in a building I manage for the family (my Mom), had a leak and was frantically trying to get the air conditioning firm to fix a leaking pan. We just replaced the unit a month ago so you can imagine my anger. I dealt with it through the magic of e-mail. One to my building manager and another to the firm that did the work. A few calls from my friends and a call from one of the banks, about a meeting tomorrow morning - in between a doctor's appointment and work, and that's about it.

You can't make this stuff up. This is a fairly normal day for me, so I wonder why I lose touch with people. But life is a series of choices. There's never enough time in the day or days in the life. So we all make choices of what we do first and what gets done only if we have a little extra time. Unless we decide to use the extra time to take a nap. It may sound as if I am complaining about everything I need to do. I find that the things I complain most about are also the things I am most grateful to have.

I always wondered if people ever really read the millions of blogs people like me write on a daily basis. I think most of them are just excercises in exorcising your own demons.

This is my first blog so I'll keep it short. I expect to write about who I am and some of my thoughts on various topics and a few descriptions of inventions I have had and think of on daily basis.

I am a grown man - child of 52 with two daughters and a wife. I am a kid at heart who is delighted to find new discoveries each day. I have been around the seamier side in my past and have lots of experiences most people never have. Don't get me wrong. I am no tough guy. I am middle class all the way. White bread with a little flavor you might say. Normal, average, clean record and all around average guy on the outside. It's just that I have had some tough times and have been into various things in the past.

I am not your typical reborn or second chancer or sobered up druggie. I have a matter of fact attitude about life and in a down to earth manner of lifestyle, I rarely try to impress. I dress in jeans to work and to business meetings and let my mouth gain my respect. Not the clothes. I get a lot of smirks and eyeball rolls when people meet me in a business setting. That all works to my advantage because when I finally open my mouth there are lots of red faces around the table. No, I am not the dope you thought I was. And, I have a photographic memory for conversations.

I am on a new kick lately that I hope will last. I have never been good at staying in touch with friends. Lately I have been given new opportunities to reconnect with old friends I let go. Now I try to stay in touch because I finally realize the value of a good friend.

Too many people go through life as loners. Yeah, they have the core family and a few friends - acquaintances of parents of the kid's friends. Maybe a few buddies from work. I am truly blessed to have a handful of people I can call at any time and say "I need you" and they will be there. No questions asked. It's nice to be able to look them in the eye and say that I would be there for them too.

So much to say, so little time. Today I went to a meeting. Yep - one of them. I went for a few years without the meetings with no real ill effect except some anger and frustration build up. But now I started going again and you would never guess that I actually relax there now. Not too worried about if someone is going to like me or what I say. I speak a lot more now too. Uh-Oh.... someone's growing up.